Main Topics
- Find Joy in your station location
- Be financially responsible
- Carefully navigate relationships
Transcript:
Living in Hawaii I got to know many people in the military. There are only like 6 bases on one island or something like that? It has been awhile since I looked it up and I know that Pearl Harbor and Hickam have joined since I lived there. During my time there, and growing up at the tail end of my dad’s military experience, along with the family and friends I have who have served, I have learned a few things through observation and conversations. I was going to write down my advice to give to a former student who is going off in the world to start his military experience (Shout out to Xavier!!!) but figured I’d instead record him a podcast because there are many other former students I know who have already shipped off to boot camp, some have probably even completed it by now, and there are bound to be more in the future too.
My first piece of advice is to find joy in where you are stationed. Part of the draw of joining the armed forces is the ability to travel and experience other places. Places that sound AMAZING to be stationed end up not being so great in reality. Hawaii is one of those. Who doesn’t love being so close to a beach at all times? Temperatures that range from 65-80 year round? You’re literally in paradise… how could you not love it?!
Turns out, very easily. What you don’t realize about living on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean is that you’re on an island in the middle of the Pacific. It is expensive to travel home. You can’t easily fly home for a weekend of leave because flying alone will eat up most of a day on each end of leave and everyone will want to see you because you never make it home so your trip is jam packed and there is jet lag to deal with also. It is just rough and expensive to get home as much as you would like. Oh, and instead maybe you want to spend a weekend off going on a road trip? Just kidding… you can circle the island of Oahu in a day. So, you’ll just end up seeing the same things over and over again.
Many, many hate being stationed in Hawaii. I’m sure there are other places too, but that’s the one I had experience with.
So, find the joy in your location. Beaches? Yes. I dislike sand, I know… Hawaii was a strange place to pick… but one summer when I was back teaching summer school my friends and I picked a different beach each week to do a picnic or bbq. Sometimes we went swimming, sometimes we just hung out on the beach. While in college we went hiking a lot. I hadn’t really been a hiker before moving there but you see so much more when you leave the roads and venture off into the woods. Maybe I’ll do an episode about hiking safety because there is of course more to it than just wandering into the woods, but you get the idea. Get involved with some local activities and meet other people. Make a family. Growing up we lived two states away from our extended family but the two other military families down the road from us became our family.
Your situation may suck but there can be good things too. “Silver Linings” if you will.
Money. Sigh
So… you get out of high school. You’re an “adult” now. You’re getting a paycheck. Like a regular one. It may not be huge, but it is getting deposited into your account and you have money. All those things you were always told to buy with your own money. Or you couldn’t do while you lived with someone else, generally your parents. You have the ability to do those now! Yay!
But, just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
Going to say that again just in hopes it sinks in. Just because you can do something now that you’re an adult and making money, doesn’t mean that you should.
I have seen too many go crazy and start spending their money like it was going out of style. They rack up credit card debt. They buy stuff which even they look back on as “stupid.” Cars. Houses. Gaming systems. Toys. So many things they had always wanted and they’re on their own now and going to do what they want.
But it catches up with them. Be sensible. Make calculated decisions rather than impulsive purchases.
When it comes to buying a car, know that every base has people coming and going all the time. Last I heard the military will pay for one car to be transported to their next base or to their home if they’re getting out. Many families will have more than one car and need to ditch one quickly. Often they will ship one out, drive the other, and try to sell it as close to their ship out date as they can. I haven’t been to a great many military bases, but I’m pretty sure they all have a parking lot where people park cars they’re trying to sell. Check there before you go buying a brand new, super expensive car. Also know that if you get deployed your car is going to need to be stored. Be sure you’re ok keeping it outside in the elements somewhere or paying a lot to park a car somewhere that you don’t even get to use for the time being.
Houses. I would recommend buying a sensible house when you have the chance if you know you’ll be there for a bit. Listen to my episode about House Hacking. There are at least a handful of people I know who wish they would have bought a condo in Hawaii and rented out rooms to others in the military. It would have been an easy way to make the payments, gained equity, been a great investment property even after leaving if they still rented it, and they’d have a place they could go back to later or sell it and make some money off of it. Most bases are prime rental property areas and there are many management companies that will handle it all for you. Shop around and find one that is good though. It is also ok to rent. It’s also ok to buy, live there a few years, and then sell and move on to the next place you get stationed. But, don’t go renting (or buying) the nicest most expensive place you can find. You need a place to live. I’m also not saying go rent the cheapest dump you can find. I’m saying be smart about how much you’re spending on what housing.
Now, you may be thinking that you’ll be in the barracks so why would I talk about buying houses. Well, at a certain point you’re allotted a housing allowance. The fastest way to get to that point is get married which brings me to my next piece of advice.
Love and lust are tricky things that can be great or get you into a lifetime of trouble very quickly. Be careful.
You’re working out on a regular basis. You’re in the best shape of your life. You’re getting a lot of attention and you like it. Be. Careful.
First… there is a difference between love and lust. Learn it. Keep it in mind…. Always.
Second, you don’t want a reputation. Girls and guys get some reputations. I have heard many stories… Be aware of what you want your reputation to be and how you get that. And be careful about the reputation of the ones you get involved with.
Third, another draw of joining the military is to escape whatever your current situation in life is. There are some who want the military life but not to do the work themselves. They quickly marry someone in the military and “escape” with them. This is great for some, but for others this leads to a lot of divorce, some crazy cheating stories, and if kids get involved it is a hot mess for life.
Fourth, if kids get involved it is messy. Even if things are great in the relationship. If you’re both in the military then you’ll actually get to designate someone to be the guardian of your child or children in the even that you’re both deployed at the same time. That’s a huge ask of someone else and going to take a toll on you and your kid. If you’re not both in the military then you’re going to have times where you’re gone for long periods of time whether for trainings or deployment, and that leaves one spouse as a single parent. I can tell you from my husband traveling for work a week at a time, it isn’t easy. Especially if that parent has to work and get kids to childcare and home and cook and clean and deal with all the meltdowns and everything. Doesn’t matter the age of the kids, it is still difficult to be a single parent no matter the length of time. So, you better make sure whoever you have kids with is the right one, ready for the commitment, and strong enough to stand on their own. Until then, wrap it before you tap it.
Overall joining any of the different military branches is going to change your life. You’ll meet a great many people who will help shape you and your future. You will never be the same. Hopefully it is all positive changes and friendships but some of that is up to you. Be careful. Read some books instead of going out drinking sometimes. Remember who you are and where you came from but also don’t be afraid to learn new things, grow, and change. Learn to find light in the darkness, joy in the mundane. Manage your money and invest in your future not just the right now. As Michael Jackson said in Billie Jean, “Mother always told me be careful of who you love and be careful of what you do ’cause the lie becomes the truth” and “take my strong advice, just remember to always think twice.”
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