Main Topics
- Happiness
Approximate Transcript
I was driving in the car the other day and the kids were in the back just talking constantly. People always look forward to when a kid says their first word but I can tell you from experience, it is a whole different world after that! So, as I’m driving and getting annoyed at the constant noise from the back seat and looking forward to dropping them off at daycare so I can have some quiet and start mentally processing my day. But then I start to listen to what they are saying.
The oldest is pretending to talk on not one, but two phones. And of course the conversation is confusing the people he is trying to talk to. To his little brother this is just the best comedy act of all time and he is laughing and also trying to pretend to call someone himself. They were feeding off each other and really were just having the best time being brothers in the backseat. That warms my momma-heart and just makes my whole morning better.
Many times I find myself “waiting to be happy.” I have set a defined point that when that happens or that time comes, THEN I will be happy. That morning it was when I finally get them dropped off and can do my own thing. But, a slight shift in my mindset and I wasn’t wanting the drive to be over yet. Don’t worry, an extra few minutes and then they’ll be yelling at each other about laughing at each other. It’s a thing…
Years ago I realized I had been doing this. Waiting to be happy. Many of the things were time related and I just had to let time pass. I even remember a conversation with my husband when we were dating about why does life always seem to be about having to wait for something. Waiting to be done with high school. Waiting to move out. Waiting for college. Waiting to be done with college. Waiting for a job to start. Waiting for a paycheck. Waiting for holidays. Waiting for… and it is just frustrating.
But it was around that same time I had a former friend who was VERY much a person who will be happy when… There was always a reason she couldn’t be happy now and when this other thing happens, THEN she will be happy. For many reasons we aren’t friends anymore, but talking with her really started to make me think, am I like that? I was.
I started making conscious decisions to find joy in the mundane if you will. Stuck in traffic? Good thing I get to listen to more of my audiobook! Kid never shows up to class? At least they aren’t late!
Now, I’m am not always Mrs. Happy-go-lucky-super-optimistic. Not at all. It is especially a struggle when I’m surrounded by others who choose to be grumpy about things instead while I’m trying to not get so down about it. This last school year that I took off was my decision, but it also felt a lot like something I had to do, not something I wanted to do. That feeling sucked. Thursdays always sucked. It was the day when all my positivity had run out. Instead of focusing on all the things I was not looking forward to, I tried really hard to focus on what I was excited to get to do! I got to go to the zoo more. I got to watch my kids be amazing brothers to each other. I got to practice my patience. I got to go with the flow more often. I got to spend time at the library. I got to do so many things that working wasn’t going to allow, especially with my kids.
There were a lot more things I wanted to do but the decision to stay home didn’t allow for those. Less income meant a tighter budget so no date nights, no breaks from the kids, no me time without having to do a lot of coordination and scheduling and all that so it was just easier not to do. I very much still looked forward to their first day of daycare. But, in the meantime I tried to find the silver linings.
And, I needed help remembering to do this. I purchased a mug to put a plant in which says “Enjoy the journey” which now sits above my computer holding a cute plant that makes me happy. When I didn’t want to be the mom who scrolled on her phone all the time while the kids were actually entertained and playing nicely, or watching cartoons, I decided to purchase a small crossstitch kit which says “Choose Joy” with rainbow colors around it. These are some cheesy reminders that help me stop waiting to be happy and find reasons now.
What I learned all those years ago while I was waiting to be happy? Happiness was always going to be another “thing” away. There was usually something that I was choosing to ignore as part of the problem and had convinced myself this other “thing” would just be the magic cure and all would be fine. Waiting on that next paycheck to feel happy and less stressed about finances? Well, without tackling the spending issue it will still be there after that next check. Waiting to move to that next apartment because you don’t know anyone in this neighborhood? If you’re not getting out to meet people, you won’t meet anyone there either. Waiting to find a boyfriend so you don’t have to do things alone all the time? If you can’t be happy alone, you will always depend on someone else for happiness and they will always control your feelings, not you. Waiting for that new promotion at work so you won’t be so grumpy and stressed all the time? It will only come with new stressors and without learning to manage it better, you’ll still be grumpy and stressed.
So, stop and be honest with yourself. Why aren’t you happy? What are you waiting on? Are you sure that will really solve everything or is it just a way for you to avoid the real problem? And then start looking for the good things. They may be small. They may be BIG. But they ARE there. Enjoy the Journey. Choose Joy. It isn’t about the destination, it’s about the journey. Find joy in the mundane. All these sayings do have a purpose and it is to get you to stop and smell the roses.
I hope you can find some small happiness today and that it leads you to more happiness tomorrow. I really do. Because otherwise you’re just wasting time while you wait.
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